What is Personality? PART 1

I was listening to a talk by an Indian spiritualist by the name of Sadhguru. He said: Personality at the very basic level is your likes and dislikes. True but there's obviously a lot more to it than that. To say personality is complex is an understatement. Bertrand Russell said, “Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with him like flies on a summer day.” For personality; these flies are (1) who you think you are versus (2) who others think you are. The resultant tango between these perspectives is your personality.

The first problem is: What others think of you, is also blurred by their own biases and flies. This makes their judgment of you unreliable. You ever met someone and just thought, I don’t like him or her? Why? Because of the flies that surround you. You’ll make a snap judgement before understanding another human being. Perhaps that is why the Baltic saying goes: The looks when you greet but it’s the heart when you say goodbye. Give people a chance.

The second problem is: Your personality is actually in state of conflict most of the time. Extrovert or Introvert; most people’s personalities function with the aim of social acceptance. The philosopher, Slavoj Žižek argues that we all “play” or “act” ourselves. Marlon Brando advocated this idea also. No man can remain unchanged within changing circumstances. Take a guy who thinks he is funny and place him in an environment where no one finds him mildly amusing. He’ll begin to doubt himself, question his being and his personality will undoubtedly evolve over time.

The Third problem is: Not “playing” who you think you are can literally kill you. Living a lie is toxic. Negative emotions or anxiety will kill you. Ego depletion is what scientist have studied happens when you live in dis-accord with your natural proclivities. Your health is vulnerable in this state.

THE SOLUTION

The key to having a healthy “personality” is being adaptive. Be malleable and act. Don’t be too rigid for that is what dead things are, life is full of action. Don’t be a prude, don’t be judgemental and don’t be a snob. Function like every human being is the same; searching for love yet blanketed by emotion, experience, genetics, beliefs and convictions. Have compassion and empathy. And sometimes when you want to really know someone else; you have to first swat your plume of lies! Ahem, I mean flies.

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Religion of Peace?

Consider the following statement by the Philosopher John Gray: “Science increases human power - and magnifies the flaws in human nature.” Although there is a truth to this; it’s a dangerous, sweeping statement; for it could be applied to anything which increases human power, like religion or money. To quote Lord Acton, "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." In simplest terms; ego develops faster than wisdom when it comes to power.

Is there a religion of peace? Or is all religion evil? I think these questions suffer the same flaws as John Gray’s observation; they are too simplistic and broad. The same Christianity we acknowledge when we are born (baptism), marry (exchange vows) or we die (service in Church) in the west; is the same Christianity which slaughtered thousands of women 400 years ago for witchcraft; the same Christianity which enslaved as well as emancipated the African-Americans. In other words although scriptures don’t change (much); the practices of a religion evolve with time. Mainly because there comes a point when people will object and condemn the detrimental effects of a belief based on the social and temporal context.

We have to call a spade a spade. If a man were to commit murder for a pair of DESIGNER trainers; only he must be blamed and punished for his deplorable behaviour. If a thousand men were to commit murders over the same DESIGNER trainers; not only should the men be punished; the DESIGNER must surely question his product and say, “What it is about these shoes that’s causing unnecessary violence?” They must identify this problem and together with society; work to change it. If they cannot change the shoe—maybe it’s the only design there is—they must reshape people’s understanding of the shoe. There is no shoe design that is inherently evil but there are people, with vices, weak critical thinking skills, who will commit evil acts because of their misled beliefs about the shoe.

I hope the analogy is clear. I think saying a certain religion is peaceful is just as bad as saying it is evil. There is no such pure, simplistic state.These doctrines mirror the people. Who have always been and will always be in continual improvement. Every Christian aims to be like Jesus, Jew like Moses, Buddhist like Buddha and Muslim like Mohammed; they never quite get there.

Just some thoughts.
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The Question of Time

How much time do we really have? A lot and not a lot is my answer. It depends on what you are doing with the time. Solon the Athenian Lawgiver said to King Croesus of Lydia: If you live a full human life you will have less than 1000 months to live.

Think about it; a third of this time will be spent asleep; another third will be tied in learning and performing duties. In our modern context, even if we live to 80 that’s only 960 months! You will have something like 300 months to “truly” live, that’s 25 years. That’s a whole lot and not a lot. Depending on what you do.  

There is an interesting image of your life in weeks (below) I think everyone ought to have one somewhere. Go and create memories, connect with people and love. Don’t forget:

We do not remember days, we remember moments.

Cesare Pavese

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Profit in Ignorance

We have all been there. Someone is speaking of a subject we know very little about and for fear of looking stupid; we agree with everything they say and daren’t ask questions. I was on the phone with my Dad not too long ago. He was telling me he went to a funeral in a certain region of Malawi. I wasn’t sure I knew where he meant but I didn't ask. My tone must've given my ignorance away because he inquired if I knew where the place is located. Still unwilling to accept I don’t know my homeland that well; I mumbled, “Ahh yeah yeah yeah.” Three whole “yeah's” to confirm and reaffirm that I knew where he meant. Lying through my teeth and he called me out on it. “Where is it then?” He asked. I collected the best of my intellect to give him a rough location (wasn't too far off), but I was wrong. What followed was embarrassment and a good old fashioned tutoring from father to son. He didn't make me feel bad, bless him. But why is it that; when you are young, ignorance is like a badge of honour? You proudly go around asking people questions about everything with no reservation or embarrassment what so ever. This is why kids become so smart so quickly; there is profit in learning. And profit in ignorance. Confucius said: real knowledge; is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

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On Letting Go. Don’t be that Monkey!

I don’t know what the Dutch painter Vincent Van Gogh was going through during that fiery row with his friend Gauguin in 1888, but I am willing to bet that if either of them had just “let go”; an ear could've been spared. A facetious proposition but bare with me. It’s human nature to take things personally. Despite the fact we live in an entropic universe; we find it difficult to accept life’s ups and downs. Coupled with this, is the notion that we are fearful creatures of habit. So, we keep repeating the same mistakes, resist change and usually find something/someone to blame for our state in order for our logical brain to remain happy and feel secure. 

You know how to catch a monkey? Take a gourd shaped object and drill a hole it in large enough for a monkey's hand to pass through. Weigh it down with some rocks. Leave some nuts or fruit inside. When the cheeky monkey comes to steal the goods; it struggles to pull its hand out of the trap. Even when someone goes near it; the monkey stays. All it has to do is relax its grip and let go of the prize to escape. But it won’t. The monkey will stay; the hope of reward is too overwhelming! That’s how some people in Asia and Africa catch monkeys.

All the monkey has to do is let go. I've heard people say the only thing harder than letting go is moving on. So don’t put yourself through misery from inability to accept the transience of life. In the long-term, it takes more energy to hold on than to let go.

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The Don Draper Effect

Don Draper, from the TV show Mad Men, is a complex character. On the one hand he is suave and auspicious, leading the glamorous life of a marketing man on Madison Avenue. But most of the time he is introverted, rigid and indifferent.The allure for the audience is in discovering the story behind his enigmatic nature.

I have always joked that: If you truly want to know someone; ask them what childhood problem they are trying to get over. It seems pretty intuitive to think a mother's love has tremendous bearing on the happiness of a child but scientists at the University of Washington have recently identified the precise physiological reasons. A nurturing mother can physically affect the development of her child's hippocampus —the area of the brain dealing with memory. This area can grow as much as 10 percent more in children abound with love.

Back to Mr. Draper, born to a prostitute who died in labour, had an abusive father who was killed by a spooked horse as young Don watched. And that's just scratching the surface. It is no wonder, that he spends 7 seasons of this show trying to run away from himself through a string of marriages, orchestra of flings, streams of alcohol and decadence. He is looking for love and always protects the weak (Peggy Olson). His generosity is usually through money not love because he can't risk being hurt like he was in childhood.

But this is just a fictional character (*inspired by George Lois), how about in real life? If you read Muhammad Ali's biography, you'll find that; abundant parental love supported his quest for greatness. His parents made him feel powerful and special. Contrast that to Marlon Brando's biography: Brando: Songs My Mother Taught Me and you'll find a lamenting man, desperately seeking love and acceptance in old age— the result of growing up in a broken home. What I am writing is not some great insight but it's important. Even If you were treated like you are special in childhood, but end up working in a lowly position; you will have a tough time reconciling expectations and reality. By the same token, someone can overcome a rough childhood to succeed; yet they'll give a their kids a hard time to show how tough life can be. Lack of love or too much love can give someone complex psychological issues, balance is the key.

I don't know where I'm running but I know how to run

'Cause, running's the thing I've always done      

- Lyrics from the song "27" by Passenger

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Civil Disobedience: How to make a difference in the World

Many of us wish for world peace but very few of us believe it can happen, and even fewer can muster the courage to propagate the process. 1950s America; the Korean war is in progress and a woman by the name of Mildred Norman, is so appalled by human conflict she vows to "remain a wanderer until mankind has learned the way of peace, walking until given shelter and fasting until given food." Armed with nothing but the clothes on her back and a positive message; she walks across America for the next 28 years, spreading her unifying message and earning the title "Peace Pilgrim".

"A pilgrimage can be either to a place or for a thing, and mine is for a thing. Mine is for peace." When I first learned of her story, I thought it was enheartening but slightly crazy. Overtime however, her story has made me realise: not only is it normal; it's absolutely necessary for the mavericks of the world to march forth and blaze a trail! There is power in nonconformity. Especially when it liberates the oppressed or empowers the cowardly. 

In his essays on Civil Disobedience, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” As a young girl, Mildred was a bright, quirkily dressed individualist who never suffered fools gladly or succumbed to peer pressure. She believed in the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. And she lived that way:

"You don’t have to be good at arithmetic, to figure out that if the nations of the world were to stop manufacturing weapons —of mass destruction; they could provide for every human being who lives in this world; the basis for a very good life."

-Peace Pilgrim

What can you do to help this world become a better place?

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