On Letting Go. Don’t be that Monkey!

I don’t know what the Dutch painter Vincent Van Gogh was going through during that fiery row with his friend Gauguin in 1888, but I am willing to bet that if either of them had just “let go”; an ear could've been spared. A facetious proposition but bare with me. It’s human nature to take things personally. Despite the fact we live in an entropic universe; we find it difficult to accept life’s ups and downs. Coupled with this, is the notion that we are fearful creatures of habit. So, we keep repeating the same mistakes, resist change and usually find something/someone to blame for our state in order for our logical brain to remain happy and feel secure. 

You know how to catch a monkey? Take a gourd shaped object and drill a hole it in large enough for a monkey's hand to pass through. Weigh it down with some rocks. Leave some nuts or fruit inside. When the cheeky monkey comes to steal the goods; it struggles to pull its hand out of the trap. Even when someone goes near it; the monkey stays. All it has to do is relax its grip and let go of the prize to escape. But it won’t. The monkey will stay; the hope of reward is too overwhelming! That’s how some people in Asia and Africa catch monkeys.

All the monkey has to do is let go. I've heard people say the only thing harder than letting go is moving on. So don’t put yourself through misery from inability to accept the transience of life. In the long-term, it takes more energy to hold on than to let go.

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The Don Draper Effect

Don Draper, from the TV show Mad Men, is a complex character. On the one hand he is suave and auspicious, leading the glamorous life of a marketing man on Madison Avenue. But most of the time he is introverted, rigid and indifferent.The allure for the audience is in discovering the story behind his enigmatic nature.

I have always joked that: If you truly want to know someone; ask them what childhood problem they are trying to get over. It seems pretty intuitive to think a mother's love has tremendous bearing on the happiness of a child but scientists at the University of Washington have recently identified the precise physiological reasons. A nurturing mother can physically affect the development of her child's hippocampus —the area of the brain dealing with memory. This area can grow as much as 10 percent more in children abound with love.

Back to Mr. Draper, born to a prostitute who died in labour, had an abusive father who was killed by a spooked horse as young Don watched. And that's just scratching the surface. It is no wonder, that he spends 7 seasons of this show trying to run away from himself through a string of marriages, orchestra of flings, streams of alcohol and decadence. He is looking for love and always protects the weak (Peggy Olson). His generosity is usually through money not love because he can't risk being hurt like he was in childhood.

But this is just a fictional character (*inspired by George Lois), how about in real life? If you read Muhammad Ali's biography, you'll find that; abundant parental love supported his quest for greatness. His parents made him feel powerful and special. Contrast that to Marlon Brando's biography: Brando: Songs My Mother Taught Me and you'll find a lamenting man, desperately seeking love and acceptance in old age— the result of growing up in a broken home. What I am writing is not some great insight but it's important. Even If you were treated like you are special in childhood, but end up working in a lowly position; you will have a tough time reconciling expectations and reality. By the same token, someone can overcome a rough childhood to succeed; yet they'll give a their kids a hard time to show how tough life can be. Lack of love or too much love can give someone complex psychological issues, balance is the key.

I don't know where I'm running but I know how to run

'Cause, running's the thing I've always done      

- Lyrics from the song "27" by Passenger

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Civil Disobedience: How to make a difference in the World

Many of us wish for world peace but very few of us believe it can happen, and even fewer can muster the courage to propagate the process. 1950s America; the Korean war is in progress and a woman by the name of Mildred Norman, is so appalled by human conflict she vows to "remain a wanderer until mankind has learned the way of peace, walking until given shelter and fasting until given food." Armed with nothing but the clothes on her back and a positive message; she walks across America for the next 28 years, spreading her unifying message and earning the title "Peace Pilgrim".

"A pilgrimage can be either to a place or for a thing, and mine is for a thing. Mine is for peace." When I first learned of her story, I thought it was enheartening but slightly crazy. Overtime however, her story has made me realise: not only is it normal; it's absolutely necessary for the mavericks of the world to march forth and blaze a trail! There is power in nonconformity. Especially when it liberates the oppressed or empowers the cowardly. 

In his essays on Civil Disobedience, Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” As a young girl, Mildred was a bright, quirkily dressed individualist who never suffered fools gladly or succumbed to peer pressure. She believed in the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. And she lived that way:

"You don’t have to be good at arithmetic, to figure out that if the nations of the world were to stop manufacturing weapons —of mass destruction; they could provide for every human being who lives in this world; the basis for a very good life."

-Peace Pilgrim

What can you do to help this world become a better place?

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Dreams: A Latvian Tale

We sat by the window, on small wooden table, in a grey but proud apartment building constructed by the Soviet Union. It was my first time in Latvia and my girlfriend had taken us to visit her retired neighbour couple: Ervins and Inara. They offered us traditional smoked ham, bread, tomatoes and a brew of Turkish Olive tea. We obliged and began sharing stories, asking questions and speaking of aspirations. In a window of silence, Ervins — a former soldier, with a heavy, overbearing stature— begins to recite the following in a pensive tone: 

Life is beautiful when it has variety.

But so many dreams are shredded by the torrential storms of fate.

Of course the gravitas of the poetry was lost in translation but it was a wow moment. It sounded very dramatic and inspired. Naturally, we wondered where the quote was from. Was it Tolstoy? Fyodor Dostoevsky? A local poet perhaps? He burst out laughing saying, “Nah it was in a letter my friend’s wife had written to her secret lover!” We all joined in the laughter. When the tears had cleared and the giggles subsided, he explained that though the couple eventually reconciled; his friend recited “those damn words everyday at work for years!”

A funny anecdote but the words reminded me of John Steinbeck's classic novella: Of Mice and Men— it's title was inspired by a poem by Robert Burns.

The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men 

Gang aft agley, [often go awry]

An' lea'e us nought [leave us nothing] but grief an' pain, 

For promised joy. 

Isn't it often the case with dreams?

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Dreams and The Chinese Bamboo Tree

We are a culture obsessed with instant gratification in all areas of life. This makes us impatient with people, things, but most importantly dreams.

Pursuing a dream is very much like growing a Chinese bamboo tree. You can plant and water the seed of this particular species for five whole years without seeing a shred of result! But, in the fifth year, the bamboo shoot springs out of the ground, full diameter, and can grow to be up to 90 feet tall in just a matter of weeks. 

The darkest hour is before dawn. When working on your dream, the key is to keep watering and not be dissuaded when you don’t see immediate results. This doesn't mean keep doing the same thing for five years. As the gardener of your dream, you must make sure the soil is tended, rich, fertile and your seed is provided the right quantities of water and sunlight. 

Try everything, just don’t give up.

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Once more into the fray

Once more into the fray,

Into the last good fight I’ll ever know.

Live and die on this day.

Live and die on this day.

Everyday is a fight and opportunity to grow. When I read this poem by Ian Mackenzie Jeffers from his book the The Grey, I realise that although death is inevitable; you've got to face it head on and fight with all the life you can muster. 

The Grey Kindle Edition – 31 Jan 2012

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The analogy of the Crane as told by Radhanath Swami

A crane is a bird. It has really long thing legs, white feathers, and a long pointed beak. Now for those of you who haven’t gone to the places cranes live; they’ll stand in a stream of water. Sometimes on one leg, kind of like yogis in that sense. They will just stand still, looking down into the water. Because so many little fish are passing by, dozens, hundreds of little fish are just swimming by and the crane is looking down.  When a big fish swims by.... CHOMP!

Now this story is not to promote eating fish. There’s a higher concept. In our lives, so many little things are flowing by. And our tendency is to focus on the little things. But if we look for that which is actually big; all the little things will just pass. The big thing is what truth is. What is the higher principle you wish to put forward as a basis for our relationships?

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Five reasons you should read books.

"It is a most wonderful comfort to sit alone beneath a lamp, book spread before you, and commune with someone from the past whom you have never met." These are the reflections of the 14th century monk and poet, Yoshida Kenkō. When deciding what to read, I often base my decisions on what artists, writers and other inspirational figures are reading.

In 2007, Yann Martel, author of Life of Pi, started sending a book and letter every fortnight to a Canadian politician whom he deemed emotionally disconnected. The politician was none other than pariah prime minister, Stephen Harper. This went on for several years. Needless to say, Yann's letters were largely ignored (until book 54/55 when he was thanked) but they are an invaluable source of inspiration. 

More recently I have discovered Barrack Obama and Bill Gate's favourite books. The breadth and depth of their interests is astounding! As they say, if you want to lead, you must read. Here's my list of my top five reasons why:

1. Books (especially novels) place you in someone else's' shoes.
"A library is not books, it's people!" says Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451. "You look at Charles Dickens, and you are Charles Dickens... and he is you! its a chance to discover yourself". Yann Martel agrees: If you read a book like The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison, "you become that twelve year old black girl from a highly dysfunctional African family".

2. Books expand your knowledge.
Albert Einstein said "imagination is more important than knowledge", I would expand that knowledge improves your ability to imagine.

3. Reading improves your vocabulary and communication.
We can't all write like Shakespeare or the poets but reading great literature illumines the creative possibilities of written and spoken language.

4. Reading is a healthy escape.
Don't invite indolence to relieve stress; read instead, it's far more beneficial for your brain.

5. Books make you more tolerant.

As author Helen Keller said, "Understanding all is forgiving all".

It's not a surprise that the world's most effective communicators and thinkers are and have been voracious readers. No wonder Nazis burned books. No books, no civilisation.

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A Cup of Tea and Zen

A very long time ago, a renowned Japanese monk had the opportunity to teach Zen Buddhism to a foreign student.

As customary, the master served him a cup of tea, slowly pouring water into the student’s cup until it started to overflow.

The student shuffled back with an uneasy expression on his face.
The monk continued to pour.

When the student could no longer contain his distress he yelled, “It's too full! No more will go in!”

“Like this Cup,” the master said, “you are too full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I teach you Zen unless you empty your cup?”

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The problem with "What is the meaning of Life?"

Does your life have the same meaning it did when you were young? Why not? Because you have evolved and so has the world. Even when you find a personal or universal meaning; time, entropy and the unlimited fecundity of life has the capacity to derail it. As human beings, we are advantaged with intellect and imagination. But what’s important to bear in mind is that these two qualities are often just mere guard dogs of emotion. To protect you from the world, comfort you from the fear of death and help you survive; your emotion commandeers which ever is necessary for a particular circumstance. So when it comes to creating a meaning of life we either:

Make it up –Belief.

Make of it –Accept the arbitrary nature of life. 

Make from it–Study its patterns and derive meaning, Science.

PROBLEM 1: Personal meaning evolves with time, because with time; our imagination and knowledge expands. Therefore, unless we arrive at a different understanding of time or we ditch the concept altogether; its hard to escape the cycle. 

PROBLEM 2: Universal meaning is that which suits our available collective knowledge and experience—it’s impossible for any "single" thing to experience the "all". If a part can only understand the whole as an “idea”; universal meaning will always be limited to the finitude of that attempting to understand.

Just some thoughts, open to debate.

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